What’s wrong with these sentences?
Todd began to unroll his sleeping bag. Harding said, “Some day, eh?”
I didn’t copy the rest of the dialog here, but Todd never stopped unrolling his sleeping bag. He began, but never ended. If this were a fairy tale, Todd might keep unrolling the bag, like Rapunzel’s hair, until it went out the tent and down the hillside. But this wasn’t a fairy tale, or even a fantasy. Todd didn’t own a sleeping bag the length of a football field.
The fix for this is delightfully easy. “Began to” should be dropped, and the verb “unroll” should be changed to past tense:
Todd unrolled his sleeping bag. Harding said, “Some day, eh?”
A simple past tense should also have been used for this sentence, which uses “starting”:
The wind was starting to pick up when they found themselves standing in a long line.
We do say in English that “the wind was starting to pick up”. But in this story, the soldiers were waiting in line for an hour. This meant that the wind continued to increase in speed for the whole hour. Wind doesn’t do that. It gusts. “Started to” could be dropped, resulting in the sentence:
The wind picked up when they found themselves in the back of a long line.
You do want to use “start” or “begin” when the action of the verb will not complete. Consider this sentence:
As Todd began to settle into the routine of the night shift, Chuck began to tell him what was in store.
In this sentence, “began” is used twice. As written, Todd continues to settle during the entire dialog. This “began to” should probably be eliminated. In the meantime, Chuck tells Todd what is involved with the night shift. Chuck needs to give a lot of information, and Todd will interrupt him with questions, so “begin” is appropriate for Chuck:
As Todd settled into the routine of his night shift, Chuck began to tell him what was in store.